12th May 2012

I‘ve neglected this blog for about a month now. I had nothing to update, I was depressed and had no motivation. It was the greatest month of my life and I didn’t  want to reflect on that when I looked back on this blog for my memories of this year.

But luckily things are looking up. I’ve got myself back on track with an amazing job that I’ll start when I get back from my holiday with 40+ of my family members for the first of my siblings weddings, and just before that i’m going to have a lovely weekend away with Charlotte at Dianes house in London. I’m really looking forward to these next couple of weeks which is weird because I haven’t looked forward to anything in the past weeks. 

While i’ve been gone, I did go and see the One Direction boys again, it really put a smile on my face, I shouldnt of went, but my friends convinced me and i’m glad they did. It was reassuring after all their time away and all their fame and fortune they gained while gone, they came back to the same old faces of the ‘regulars’, they hadnt forgotten any of us, they where down to earth as usual and the smallest thing like when I was talking to harry and giving him a hug, Louis made the effort to come over, ruffle my hair, say hi and give me a hug, it was good to have that back in my lfie because i forgot how content it makes me just for a couple of hours, and then I go back to reality. 

Anyway, Im excited to start this new job, REALLY excited, i’ve never been more ecited about working 12 hours a day 5 days a week before in my life! hahaa

But heres a photo of me and the london gals, my hairs got lighter and i’ve lost a little weight since i last updated, lets hope this continues, without the stress though 

Hasta la vista, baby.

19th April 2012

Haven’t updated for a while, I haven’t really been concentrating on stuff lately, I just keep letting everything slip, I have no motivation and all I do is lie in bed and job search, hey, atleast im job searching.

Baby Marie came to visit me to cheer me up in my unemployment, which was cute, it was our year anniversary since ‘Airport Gate’ too. I remember sitting in Beckys after LCs party, hungover as fuck, and one of us goes ‘Hey, aren’t larry back from ski-ing tomorrow’ next thing we knew we had flight times and plans to all meet at manchester airport the next day after i’d finish work, I met up with emma and marie who had spent the day in mine booking trains with my credit card, it was a nice sunny day, we had alcohol and sandwiches, we hadn’t slept or had a bath in about 3 days but we didn’t care, we got to the airport where we met Rach, Charlotte and Danielle and there was like 2 other girls there, it was suc ha good meeting, we had such laughs with Harry and Louis that day, shouting tumblr words at them and stuff, truly one of the funniest days I had last year that will never be forgottten.

Marie took me out last night to get drunk because im poor, she’s too kind, One thing I love about a slutdate is that we will always help each other out, we lend each other money but we dont even ask for it back half them time because we know somehwere down the line that slut will be buying us a train ticket to london or a nandos when we’re short on cash.

Liverpool town was dead, but as we walked past walkabout wmyb was playing so we ran in and took over the dance floor, the played it twice and the last song of the night was one thing, welllll… along with that and rizzle kicks i had no voice screaming the lyrics down the phone to people haha.

We then walked into subway to be greeted by a guy who turned round and said to me “You’re from kirkby” I have no idea who this guys was…

‘you’re from kirkby, you’re rachael murray, you’re brothers mick, you live by the kingy just on the left’ mare was just pissing herself, turns out this guy just knew my face from where we live and knew my brothers, he was craig coltons friends and he was wearing a lovely jack wills blazer, he paid for our taxi home and throw a subway out of the win, a footlong, that hadn’t been eaten! well i never, but it was kind of him to be a gent and pay for us to get home :)

11 April 2012

I haven’t wrote in this in a while, my plan was to use it to document the good days and in all honesty I haven’t had many of them lately, I’m hoping things will turn around sound. I really hate myself at the moment, inside and out. Everything is annoying and upsetting and I just genuinley give up, I havent got the enthusiasm or will power to even move from my bed most days.

meh

6 April 2012

I often wonder what it would feel like to shoot myself in the head.

2nd April 2012

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. Truth be told my head has been all over the place lately I wouldn’t of even knew where to start.

I am no longer Employed. It’s scary, but it’s life.

I think I made a big deal of being independent and doing stuff my way, that I was expect to grow up a lot quicker than I wanted to, and truth be told Im still a big kid who hasn’t seen everything she wants too yet.

Although I wish I did better in school and stuck college out and went to uni, I do miss the days i’d turn up at school and me and my friend would walk in the opposite direction and just go and chill in the park all day in the sun talking about our futures. 

I wouldnt say my future has turned out to be shit, I still think I have a lot of big things ahead of me, I just need to sort my life out. 
The job I was in was classed as a career, people talked about stuff 4 years in advanced and when this happens and when that happens and it was scary, i didnt want to be stuck in that office every day for the rest of my life, I need to get out there and see stuff I want to see.

I’m hoping this is for the best. 

22 march 2012

A year ago today I met my best friend. It’s weird, most people would think how could you class someone as your best friend without knowing them for long? Truth is 390 days ago we probably had never spoke before. I remember she spoke to me on my twitcam.. I’m a very inviting person and I spoke about wanting to go to Nottingham to see the X factor tour, a couple of days later she was speaking to me on facebook about it and I said me and my friend had decided to go and she should come along.. I creeped her facebook, i thought she was really pretty, a lot of her photos where of her drinking alcohol, and she told me about a amazing night she’d had with Aiden Grimshaw which I was insanely jealous about.

We didn’t even swap numbers and two days after I was in Nottingham, with a dead phone and no way to contact this girl I was supposed to be meeting at the train station. I was surprised she decided to come, She’d never met me or my friend Rachel before and she was about to spend a night with us in a random city, little did she know what she’d got herself in to haha!
So there I was, drinking vodka out of a lucozade bottle freaking out that this girl I didnt even have a chance to meet was going to hate me forever and think I was a horrible person because I left her at nottingham station with no way of contact… I didnt even know where Nottingham station was? I was literally saying to my friend Rachael “SHES GOING TO THINK IM A TERRIBLE PESON”

Luckily enough she found some battery and got a cab to the hotel and we where on a roll.

We had such a good time on that little trip to Nottingham.. It was like we’d all known each other for years. I knew as soon as she helped me out of my skinny skirt or drank Vodka out of a lucozade bottle in a cab or said ‘can i get pregnant from this’ while using a cash machine Harry did, without judging me that we where going to be real good friends! 

I’ve never had someone in my life like this before, of course i’ve had best friends that i’ve knew since I was little. But she has always been there for me this past year..

She’s so selfless and lovely, she puts herself down a lot but she’s one of the most kindest beautiful unique people I have ever met. She’s the type to listen, like really listen and remember little stuff you say unintentionally and then surprise you with it. 
She’s helped me more than she would know this past year, when i’m at my lowest she brought me too a high!
I’ll always remember the effort and time she put into my 19th birhtday present, even down to the Foamy bananas she knew i loved or the box with photos of us together over the years that must of took her hours!
A couple of months back we got asked where we sisters, and we where confused.. It was the first time anyone had ever asked us it and we laughed it off and said no, of course not.. But then it became a regular occurrence, whenever we’re together we’d get stopped asked are we identical twins, even our parents or close friends would confuse us when we’re together! It’s so funny, because we are so alike. She got me a necklace for my birthday of peas in a pod to resemble us, because we are so alike. I know i drunkenly confessed my love abut it on the night, but even now, sober as a judge, it is one of the most thoughtful presents i’ve ever received and I love it and hardly ever take it off!

I hope our friendship has many years to come because I cant imagine my life without her. I love going down to  Birmingham and eating take out food with her and her family and getting attacked by her dog that she changes the name too every time i go! watching re-runs of her favourite TV shows because if she likes it then Im sure I will too and choosing to live with her for a week instead of seeing one direction every day because I prefer her company! 

We’ve had some of the funniest times together,  people would disagree but together we’re the funniest people ever! 

I just want her to know that no matter what I’m very proud in everything she has acieved and she has no point to put herself down. 

I love her a lot

Thank you for putting up with me Charlotte, on my drunken times when I know I piss you off to the high heavens and you still make sure I get home okay without any rock climbing :)

20 March 2012

I never know what to say on here anymore because I’ve got myself back into a rut where I dont nothing but work and complain. It’s upsetting. 
I need some excitement in my life. I need a change

I think i’m going to dye my hair blonde, get a new piercing and tattoo, I’m seeing my friends next week which will put a dent in my routine. I just need to constantly make a change in my life or I get to bored with my own life….

Meh is all I have to say :)